home of loving support for bereaved parents

Each month, we'll be presenting a new question related to grief and healing. Our loss panel, consisting of four experts, will be responding with their opinions. Click here to meet our panel.

The questions:

• Why?!? Why, why, why??!!! Why did this happen? I can't seem to stop asking why. How can I move past this?

• You're Lucky It Was "Just" a Baby Comments ~ My mom has always made comments to the effect that I'm lucky my baby died as an infant and that it would be worse if he had been 4 or 14 or 34. This makes me feel like my grief isn't valid and that I'm crazy for feeling so sad. Is there anything I can say to my mom to stop these hurtful comments? I'm not very strong when it comes to sticking up for my feelings.

• Not Wanting to Live After the Loss of a Baby ~ There are times when I no longer want to live, and I wonder what I have to live for since my baby/child died. How do I know when these thoughts are dangerous?

• Telling People About the Baby ~ When is it all right to tell people about my baby? He was 2 1/2 months old when he died. I went through labor and a c-section. Sometimes during conversations, I feel like I want to mention him but I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

• Guilt From Difficult Decisions ~ My baby died after a long struggle and after we decided to remove him from live support. How can I get over the guilt of making that decision and the feeling that maybe we should have done more to help him live?

• Remembering Away From the Cemetery ~ My baby is buried in another state so I can't visit the cemetery when I like. Is there anything else I can do on birthdays and anniversaries to help me feel like I'm acknowledging my baby? I feel like I've abandoned her since I can't take care of her grave.

• The Subsequent Baby ~ If my baby had lived, then we certainly wouldn't have been trying to conceive so soon and I wouldn't have my new baby. It's hard to cope with knowing that having one of these babies means I wouldn't have the other. I want both. It's a confusing feeling and few people understand. Am I nuts?

• Miscarriage ~ I had a miscarriage. My friends say it's no big deal because 1 out of 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. I feel like I don't have a right to grieve but I feel so horrible. Am I normal to feel this badly over a miscarriage?

• Dealing With Guilt ~ I feel so guilty. How can I get rid of this guilt that I'm responsible for my loss?

• Acceptance ~ How can I accept this loss? It's just not acceptable! I don't think I can ever accept it.

• Anger at God ~ I'm angry at God and no longer want to go to church. How could God let this happen, and am I evil for being angry at Him?

• Moving On ~ What does it mean to move on? Does this mean I have to forget about my baby?

• Coping with friends and co-workers ~ My family and friends seem to have forgotten about the baby. It hurts so much. Short of avoiding them, what can I do?

• Am I still a mother? ~ Am I still a mother even though I don't have living children?

• My other children ~ How do I/should I tell my other children about our loss? If I have another baby, should I tell him/her about their older sibling who died?

• How Many Children ~ How do I answer the question, "How many children do you have?" without feeling guilty or upsetting the person asking?

• Remembering during the holidays

• Coping with the holidays

• Husbands and wives grieve differently

• How do you keep the hope alive?

• Rage ~ I've never felt such rage before. How can I cope with it?

• Envy ~ Close friend (relative, co-worker, etc) is pregnant, and I feel upset. What can I do?

• Is it possible to achieve a sense of gratefulness?

• I feel so alone. What can I do?