Waiting With Love - Siena Maurillo Prostor

Siena Maurillo Prostor
April 6, 1989 - April 3, 1990
Trisomy 13

It is with so many bittersweet emotions that this letter flows from my heart to all of you dear parents who are suffering through your own pain that I write this. First let me say that you are not alone. At times it does seem like that is the case - but we know - believe me - we know - and we are here for you.

It was six years ago today that our little angel, Siena, with the curly red hair and that blue-eyed soul came into our lives - never to be the same ever again. Siena stayed with us for one year and then we buried her on her first birthday, tragic as that may sound. Our life as a family grew because of her impression and mark upon us. She touched our hearts in places that we never knew existed. Siena's life was a reminder that we do not belong to this Earth. Her short life was complete and whole, and she is in heaven now, but she walks silently among us. She speaks to me through other people. I don't think a day passes that I don't think of her or praise God for her life. My joy is in knowing that she is still alive; her soul lives with Our Father in Heaven and that gives me hope to go on. I believe this because on the day we buried Siena, we sent helium balloons up to heaven. When we looked back on that day through photographs, we noticed that when those balloons reached the highest points in the sky, they formed a cross. This let me know that Siena was safely home and that the only way to heaven is through the cross.

We did not know that Siena would be born with Trisomy 13. We did suspect some problems, but they were inconclusive because I refused an amnio and my husband and I decided to "walk in faith." We did, however, know after her birth that she would die soon, because this syndrome is "lethal."

The most important thing that we gained from Siena's life was to love unconditionally as God has loved each one of us with all of our human imperfections. I was proud to be Siena's mom because she was so very special. I also understood how God the Father and Mary, Jesus' mother, felt when their Son was nailed to the cross at Calvary. I felt closer to God because I knew what it felt like to lose that child. I was never angry with God, but at times my husband and I would grieve differently and blame one another without realizing it. With counseling we have survived the greatest test of our marriage, and we will make it. I used to hear Siena say, "LOVE MY DADDY" after she died. It hasn't always been easy because men and women have different coping techniques. If we try to understand one another and "love" unconditionally, we will survive this catastrophe that we never planned for. We still continue to work at this, daily.

If there is any advice I can offer to you, it is that God is good. He will reward you tenfold for being obedient to His will. Praise Him for this gift, even if you can't understand "why." Knowing that someday, we will have those questions answered in His perfect time. Although this is a difficult thing to do - and you may not see it that way now, be patient with yourself. Choose to see the joy in your own set of circumstances.

Most importantly, love yourself. Be good to yourself. May God bless you with hope, faith, strength and courage. You are so very special to Him.